Wow... So I'm sorry! But it's January now!

WELL hello! Sorry about the wait... the delay.... I haven't had anything to say really! Sadly.... Till now! It's been a few months now and I'm almost to a point where my hair needs to be shaped and trimmed. It looks a little ragged right now. I'm also maybe considering some color for the first time ever, it'd be natural tones like caramel, red or lighter brown. We'll see! :) So to the point..... I've hit a new point. I'm very very comfortable just being myself these days. It's so much easier than putting on a front. I've met some interesting people in the process. I've had to become more honest with myself. Also, it's apparent that looks really aren't everything to people. Which is nice to know. I've been focusing on self-improvement projects lately. It's going slow, but ok. I've been casting out negativity lately, which is hard and kinda rough but it frees up so much in my head. Um... Well it brings me to the new feelings: I really miss my hair. In a new way though. Not as a comfort thing, just... I prefer it. I prefer to have longer hair than I have. Not that I look bad or anything... Just preference. So I hope it grows fast! I can't wait till I can play with it again. But I did get a mini-straightener for Christmas, which I'm addicted to! My hair is long enough to go straight. It's pretty cool. I guess this has been quite the learning experience. I really have changed too, or maybe I'm just more like me than I was before. I'm enjoying the process. I've been asked if it has helped me grow, and my answer is definitely! I think... in a way I've owned up to my true personality to a point where I fit in my skin a little better. I know now that this vanity that I have is part of who I am, I want to calm it down a little, but it will never disappear. And I really am a people person despite my claims of solitude. I do enjoy people, and especially crowds. I've found me fix, thinking about it.... I like dance right in the middle of a ton of people to the point that I create my own column of energy and no one bothers me. It's nice, the world just fades into music. Oh! I've been paying attention to little things lately, like how everything really can be broken down into a beat of music. And that colors are so much more brilliant after you've had your eyes closed. Hmmm, I still have a lot to learn. I don't know! I just want to free my mind some more... WE SHALL SEE! But I'm gonna drop some photos in here now, they're from a bit ago so my hair is a bit longer now.... Also it's straight in these pics... So here you go! Loves and hugs, stay tuned! ;)

Just Over a Month Now

I'm realizing some things.... I most definitely lost a lot of my vanity and obsession with my appearance. I don't look in the mirror like I used to do. It's helpful. But I haven't lost my confidence at all. I'm still a strong person and getting stronger every day. I'm very glad I did this, as much as I miss my hair..... I'm glad because I'm definitely giving up petty emotions and superficial values. As for my hair.... It's getting much longer. Only a month and it's nearly tripled in length. Here's some pictures.





There you go.... I'm proud I haven't freaked out yet with my lack of control. It's fun though. And I was right! I'm attracting the kind of people who are worth knowing, not stupid, superficial, annoying people. I've had many good conversations with strangers and people wanting to get to know me for me, not for my looks. It makes me very happy. I feel much more myself, less self-conscious and worried about my appearance to people. It's a good thing really. And I've had a lot of support from people I know and love. Thanks everyone! Again... I crave input, so feel free to comment and everything.

Pictures Just For You

So these are the original pictures, I need to take new ones because my hair grew. But ta-da!







ANYWAY! As for update, I'm doing ok. Still working hard on trying to get past my self-centered-ness. What do you guys think, those of you who've hung out with me? Have I changed? Grounded myself at all? Matured? Anything? Personally, I do feel more myself. I'm not nearly as self-conscious as I was, which is excellent. I want to hear what others have to say though. I see some of the changes, but sometimes it's good to get an outside opinion. Anything else I need to work on as well? Thanks for staying with me, your input it appreciated! Comment please! Bye, till next time!

Update...

So.... I'm very proud of myself for all this. My hair has actually grown a few centimeters so I'm well on my way to the next haircut. It will be longer and more stylized than this one. It's very exciting for me!
As for the situation.... I've gotten used to the stares. They don't bother me. I just look like an artsy nut to strangers. It doesn't bug me. I basically am lol. I feel a lot more in tune with myself. I had my first real break-down (minus hair) this week. It was kinda scary. I had no where to direct control, because I couldn't just mess up my hair or fix it to calm me down. It was really scary. I realized a lot though. I was relying on my hair for WAY too many things in my life. I was relying on it for confidence, which I'm now building from my soul. I was relying on it for ego-boost, such as attention from boys, now I'm forced to actually try. I'm becoming more humble, but still have a long ways to go. I was relying on it to keep me calm and to hide my face. I'm now forced to find new ways to calm myself and now I must face my own face. I'm still kinda having issues with some things.... Working hard to think freely though.
Any thoughts or comments are greatly appreciated. I promise I'll get pictures up soon.

Nearly a Week Now

It's really not that different. At least the few first days weren't too hard. Now though... it's kinda hitting me. First of all I'm treated different. Maybe not significantly but people do look at me funny now and then. Some people have been careful what they're saying around me, like not to offend me or something. I don't get hit on by annoying men anymore! YAY! Uh.. what else.... Really I feel different. My systems of defense that usually help me feel ok about things have broken down. I miss my hair. The lack of control puts me in a very vunerable state. But it's forcing me to address some issues I wouldn't before, like how truly vain I was. I value my appearance way too much. Acknowledging this is really helping. I don't look at the mirror as much. After I'm ready for the day, I try not to even glance at a mirror for the rest of the day. I don't even need to. There's nothing to fix, lol, I don't have enough hair. People have said I don't look too bad with it. I don't think that matters. It's not about making myself look bad so that I have to deal with it, it's about stripping away all the superficial things I used to worry about. Most of these are associated with my hair. Already, I feel a little more like myself. A little more open in the face of the crowd. As for the challenge to still be taken as a lady.... It's hard. Really hard. Mornings are kinda chaotic because of it. My pairings of clothes and jewelry have to be right on, or else I don't look feminine. Yes it's kind of a pain, but also I sorta enjoy it. A challenge starting each morning jump starts my brain functions. It's been fun. Showers and all that go so fast now. It saves me time. That's just about it on everything. I'll keep posting so stay tuned! *smile* Please comment, and thank you for commenting if you have at all. Bye!