Just Over a Month Now

I'm realizing some things.... I most definitely lost a lot of my vanity and obsession with my appearance. I don't look in the mirror like I used to do. It's helpful. But I haven't lost my confidence at all. I'm still a strong person and getting stronger every day. I'm very glad I did this, as much as I miss my hair..... I'm glad because I'm definitely giving up petty emotions and superficial values. As for my hair.... It's getting much longer. Only a month and it's nearly tripled in length. Here's some pictures.





There you go.... I'm proud I haven't freaked out yet with my lack of control. It's fun though. And I was right! I'm attracting the kind of people who are worth knowing, not stupid, superficial, annoying people. I've had many good conversations with strangers and people wanting to get to know me for me, not for my looks. It makes me very happy. I feel much more myself, less self-conscious and worried about my appearance to people. It's a good thing really. And I've had a lot of support from people I know and love. Thanks everyone! Again... I crave input, so feel free to comment and everything.

Pictures Just For You

So these are the original pictures, I need to take new ones because my hair grew. But ta-da!







ANYWAY! As for update, I'm doing ok. Still working hard on trying to get past my self-centered-ness. What do you guys think, those of you who've hung out with me? Have I changed? Grounded myself at all? Matured? Anything? Personally, I do feel more myself. I'm not nearly as self-conscious as I was, which is excellent. I want to hear what others have to say though. I see some of the changes, but sometimes it's good to get an outside opinion. Anything else I need to work on as well? Thanks for staying with me, your input it appreciated! Comment please! Bye, till next time!

Update...

So.... I'm very proud of myself for all this. My hair has actually grown a few centimeters so I'm well on my way to the next haircut. It will be longer and more stylized than this one. It's very exciting for me!
As for the situation.... I've gotten used to the stares. They don't bother me. I just look like an artsy nut to strangers. It doesn't bug me. I basically am lol. I feel a lot more in tune with myself. I had my first real break-down (minus hair) this week. It was kinda scary. I had no where to direct control, because I couldn't just mess up my hair or fix it to calm me down. It was really scary. I realized a lot though. I was relying on my hair for WAY too many things in my life. I was relying on it for confidence, which I'm now building from my soul. I was relying on it for ego-boost, such as attention from boys, now I'm forced to actually try. I'm becoming more humble, but still have a long ways to go. I was relying on it to keep me calm and to hide my face. I'm now forced to find new ways to calm myself and now I must face my own face. I'm still kinda having issues with some things.... Working hard to think freely though.
Any thoughts or comments are greatly appreciated. I promise I'll get pictures up soon.

Nearly a Week Now

It's really not that different. At least the few first days weren't too hard. Now though... it's kinda hitting me. First of all I'm treated different. Maybe not significantly but people do look at me funny now and then. Some people have been careful what they're saying around me, like not to offend me or something. I don't get hit on by annoying men anymore! YAY! Uh.. what else.... Really I feel different. My systems of defense that usually help me feel ok about things have broken down. I miss my hair. The lack of control puts me in a very vunerable state. But it's forcing me to address some issues I wouldn't before, like how truly vain I was. I value my appearance way too much. Acknowledging this is really helping. I don't look at the mirror as much. After I'm ready for the day, I try not to even glance at a mirror for the rest of the day. I don't even need to. There's nothing to fix, lol, I don't have enough hair. People have said I don't look too bad with it. I don't think that matters. It's not about making myself look bad so that I have to deal with it, it's about stripping away all the superficial things I used to worry about. Most of these are associated with my hair. Already, I feel a little more like myself. A little more open in the face of the crowd. As for the challenge to still be taken as a lady.... It's hard. Really hard. Mornings are kinda chaotic because of it. My pairings of clothes and jewelry have to be right on, or else I don't look feminine. Yes it's kind of a pain, but also I sorta enjoy it. A challenge starting each morning jump starts my brain functions. It's been fun. Showers and all that go so fast now. It saves me time. That's just about it on everything. I'll keep posting so stay tuned! *smile* Please comment, and thank you for commenting if you have at all. Bye!

WElll..... I did it!

On Monday, about 2:30 pm I'm guessing... my long hair covered the floor and I walked away with this haircut. So yeah! And it's a little longer than I was originally planning but it still serves it's purpose. Still a buzz cut, just longer than you'd think. You can't see my scalp. I'm kinda glad about. It actually doesn't look half bad. And so far, its doing exactly what I thought it would. Suddenly I'm facing myself a little bit more. I dress kinda cute so that I still look girly. The self-consciousness is a constant battle. People stare a lot. Mostly men. They give me weird looks like they don't know what to think. Girls have been surprisingly supportive, but many have admitted they'd never do it. I have had a couple very random but very positive reactions from people. I guess that's how it goes. I'm gradually getting used to it.... it's still a shock looking in the mirror. I'm excited for the haircuts I'll play with as it grows out. The sensation on the back of my head when I pull off or put on a shirt is really quite odd. I'm still kinda prone to playing with my hair cause it feels weird to me. It's highly sensitive. Having my head rubbed is almost blissful and makes me really sleep. Another odd thing... I'm actually acting more feminine because of it. I think it's partly because I'm a little more nervous and shy in situations. But I'm still confident too.... it's odd. I think... in a way that my features look a little more feminine or something. Like my legs and face. I dunno. This is really helping me out though. I've cut down the time I check the mirror and the time I spend trying to get ready. It's a nice break. I feel more compelled to think about things too, like problem solving and such. I want to hone my skills and learn new ones. So far.... I like it. I like how this feels. It's a learning experience. I'm still working on putting up pictures. Try to hang in there in the mean time! Lol so yeah, most of my friend have been good about it. Apparently I don't look too bad. My mom likes it, well, at least a lot more than I expected. I'm glad. Some of the people I was the most worried about have been really positive about it. Again, I'm really glad. I lucked out, my head isn't that weird looking and my ears don't stick out. So I guess it could've been worse. I think the most important thing though, is the fact that I'm getting what I wanted out of this experience. And as time passes I hope to get even more out of it. I will say though... after I've grown through this process, I can't see myself ever cutting my hair this short again. It may be easy to take care of... but I really do enjoy having something to work with. There proving that this is good for me. Well, that's about it. I'll post again soon.

Just a Couple Days Left....

Yep! Just a few more days till I do it... I'm aiming for between Sunday and Tuesday! I'm so excited I can barely contain it! It's taken me around three and half months to finally become ready to lose all my hair. Really... I'm feeling like I can't wait any longer. And that's exactly how I should feel about it! So I'm all happy.... I'm a little nervous, too. I'm not sure I fully understand how I'm going to be treated during this time. I'm also pretty curious to how many people won't care. But either way, I'm still going to do it! Also, those of you who commented, thanks! Please continue to input! I really enjoy it! Oh and those who want to come with me for the shaving, or who want to see me right after, just throw me a text and we'll work something out. I'll also be posting pictures on my myspace and couple on here. Be prepared! Anyway, I'm a little surprised on how much support I've had about this. I was expecting a lot more people to try to talk me out of it. I guess people really do understand that this is something I've got to do. We'll see how much opposition I get after the deed is done. I'm really just so excited to see how it goes! You'll see another post from me soon, probably right after I go to get it shaved. Yay! Thanks again guys, stay tuned! *wink*

Before Shaving My Head

~I consider the consequences. I've thought about it deeply. I know that people will judge me at first glance. I will be considered a bad influence, unlady-like, a dyke, a bad-ass, and who knows what else. I think that's part of the challenge; getting over what people think of me. I want to be able to look in the mirror and see me, not my image. And that's a good part of what this is about. Finding me. I'm going to go ahead and list my twenty reasons... but keep in mind that there are so many more reasons beyond this list.
1. To rid myself of vanity
2. To get rid of my self-consciousness
3. To be more myself, to find myself
4. To stop hiding
5. To see who really cares
6. To see who'll take a chance on me
7. To find someone who thinks I'm truly beautiful
8. To see myself as beautiful
9. To symbolize rebirth
10. Growing it back out means cute haircuts
11. Convenience of short hair
12. Save time in mornings when getting ready
13. I'm bored
14. As an experimental art project, self-expression
15. Conversation starter
16. To free myself of oppression
17. To prove I don't need hair to be feminine
18. To ban fear of society's view of me
19. To revive faith in my own capabilities
20. Because I want to

~So maybe some of the reasons are stupid or childish... but they're still reasons. And all I need are more reasons. I've waited three and a half months already. I've been preparing for the loss of my most valued possession. I love my hair. And that's what this is about. I can manipulate it, I can make it bend to my will... and I need to know what it feels like to bare myself. I want to show myself to the world. It's like being naked. There is nothing to hide, it's just me. I want to be comfortable with that. It's normally something that I only show to select few, but now.... You'll all see me. And I want to know what you think. Hopefully people will look past my hair, look past my appearance and still give me a shot. I want to see if anyone will be surprised by what they find. Will I still be beautiful to you? Will I still be attractive? I want to find out. It's a challenge for me. I want to see if I can hold myself in a way that makes it so people will still come to me, but not for my looks. I want to find people who don't care about appearance, who will like me for me.
~Another thing.... When I put myself out there, when I bare myself to the world..... will any of you stand up and tell me they're glad. They're glad they know me, or they want to know me.... want to love me. I want to show the world.... just to see who's willing to go all the way. Just to see if someone will be brave enough to bare themselves right back. In a way, I'm hoping for a revolution. I'm hoping that people will accept themselves and be honest with the world. I'm hoping that we can stop judging and start living.
~So that brings me to the idea of trying to stop me. I don't care what any of you think, what any of you have to say about it... I'm going to do it. This is my life, my choice, and it's something I want to do. Any of you who are against it, tell me, you have a right to your opinion. But don't you dare try to stop me, slow me down, or deter me. This is my battle, my right, and it's something that will happen. I'm going to shave my head, tribal mark and everything, at the end of September.
~Now to those of you who are excited for me: Thank you for your support. It's very much appreciated. But let's get this straight.... I'm no one's hero. I'm not doing the world a great deed or anything of the sort. It's actually quite a selfish thing to do, since I'm only doing it for myself and that my mind is made up. I've been told I'm brave for this, that none of you could ever have the guts to do the same... or anything close. I'm not brave, just determined to fix something within myself. This is just my way of doing it. And you're all capable. You could do something just as hard for you to do, you could show a change in yourself. It's all just up to if you want to. Because if you wanted to, you could do the same. You could be just as "brave." It's all just a matter of choice.
~In conclusion! This is my challenge, my choice, my hardship, my path, and my resolution. It took a long time to prepare for this, and finally I'm ready. The end of September, I will lose all my valuable hair. I will lose my face value and beauty. I will learn to become a woman without it. I will learn how to be a strong, and ever changing person. I will bare myself to the world. I will overcome it. Are you as ready to accept me as I am? Ask yourself now... Do you want to make a similar choice in the betterment of yourself? If yes, then just do it.

(NOTE: So this is the essay like thing I wrote a while ago when I first started telling people that I'm shaving my head. It has been posted elsewhere and some of you may have seen it already. It covers a lot of the reasoning behind my decision. Now, if you've already commented on this where it was posted earlier, then thank you. You don't need to post again but, like I said, the opinions really help. So any comments are greatly appreciated. Also, let's make something clear. I know I've been very public about my decision and spread it around a lot and talk about it a lot. That's not because I want attention, it's because I'm very excited and I really want some feedback info from people. I crave information, so that's part of this, too. Thanks again for reading! I hope you continue to follow my progress.)

Introduction!

Hi everybody! Thanks for finding my blog, or bothering to read it.... It means a lot! So! This is what's going on! I'm a girl who lives in a place and is about to shave off all her hair. Now no confusion on this, I'm not going bald, just to a buzz cut. But really that's very short. I normally have shoulder-length hair. It's brown and wavy and I like it quite a bit. As for reasons behind this action, I'll write them in a different blog. The point is! I'm shaving my head. I don't have cancer. I'm not a lesbian. I'm not a tom boy, I'm actually pretty feminine. But I'm doing it anyway. Again, I'll explain why later. But this is how it's gonna go. I'm going to try very hard to give you a weekly update on how I'm treated being a girl without hair, and how I'm feeling throughout the experience. Feel free to write any sort of opinion you have on any of it. I'm actually hoping some of you will have input. I really want this to be a whole learning adventure, and your opinions are a part of that. No worries about offending me, I'd rather hear what you truly are thinking. OH, and to those of you who know me personally, please don't mention my real name. I like to stay hidden to an extent. Well! That's about all. Yes, in a way this is an experiment. But its also for my soul! So yeah.... reasons in next post! Have a nice day! *smile*