Pictures Just For You

So these are the original pictures, I need to take new ones because my hair grew. But ta-da!







ANYWAY! As for update, I'm doing ok. Still working hard on trying to get past my self-centered-ness. What do you guys think, those of you who've hung out with me? Have I changed? Grounded myself at all? Matured? Anything? Personally, I do feel more myself. I'm not nearly as self-conscious as I was, which is excellent. I want to hear what others have to say though. I see some of the changes, but sometimes it's good to get an outside opinion. Anything else I need to work on as well? Thanks for staying with me, your input it appreciated! Comment please! Bye, till next time!

Update...

So.... I'm very proud of myself for all this. My hair has actually grown a few centimeters so I'm well on my way to the next haircut. It will be longer and more stylized than this one. It's very exciting for me!
As for the situation.... I've gotten used to the stares. They don't bother me. I just look like an artsy nut to strangers. It doesn't bug me. I basically am lol. I feel a lot more in tune with myself. I had my first real break-down (minus hair) this week. It was kinda scary. I had no where to direct control, because I couldn't just mess up my hair or fix it to calm me down. It was really scary. I realized a lot though. I was relying on my hair for WAY too many things in my life. I was relying on it for confidence, which I'm now building from my soul. I was relying on it for ego-boost, such as attention from boys, now I'm forced to actually try. I'm becoming more humble, but still have a long ways to go. I was relying on it to keep me calm and to hide my face. I'm now forced to find new ways to calm myself and now I must face my own face. I'm still kinda having issues with some things.... Working hard to think freely though.
Any thoughts or comments are greatly appreciated. I promise I'll get pictures up soon.

Nearly a Week Now

It's really not that different. At least the few first days weren't too hard. Now though... it's kinda hitting me. First of all I'm treated different. Maybe not significantly but people do look at me funny now and then. Some people have been careful what they're saying around me, like not to offend me or something. I don't get hit on by annoying men anymore! YAY! Uh.. what else.... Really I feel different. My systems of defense that usually help me feel ok about things have broken down. I miss my hair. The lack of control puts me in a very vunerable state. But it's forcing me to address some issues I wouldn't before, like how truly vain I was. I value my appearance way too much. Acknowledging this is really helping. I don't look at the mirror as much. After I'm ready for the day, I try not to even glance at a mirror for the rest of the day. I don't even need to. There's nothing to fix, lol, I don't have enough hair. People have said I don't look too bad with it. I don't think that matters. It's not about making myself look bad so that I have to deal with it, it's about stripping away all the superficial things I used to worry about. Most of these are associated with my hair. Already, I feel a little more like myself. A little more open in the face of the crowd. As for the challenge to still be taken as a lady.... It's hard. Really hard. Mornings are kinda chaotic because of it. My pairings of clothes and jewelry have to be right on, or else I don't look feminine. Yes it's kind of a pain, but also I sorta enjoy it. A challenge starting each morning jump starts my brain functions. It's been fun. Showers and all that go so fast now. It saves me time. That's just about it on everything. I'll keep posting so stay tuned! *smile* Please comment, and thank you for commenting if you have at all. Bye!

WElll..... I did it!

On Monday, about 2:30 pm I'm guessing... my long hair covered the floor and I walked away with this haircut. So yeah! And it's a little longer than I was originally planning but it still serves it's purpose. Still a buzz cut, just longer than you'd think. You can't see my scalp. I'm kinda glad about. It actually doesn't look half bad. And so far, its doing exactly what I thought it would. Suddenly I'm facing myself a little bit more. I dress kinda cute so that I still look girly. The self-consciousness is a constant battle. People stare a lot. Mostly men. They give me weird looks like they don't know what to think. Girls have been surprisingly supportive, but many have admitted they'd never do it. I have had a couple very random but very positive reactions from people. I guess that's how it goes. I'm gradually getting used to it.... it's still a shock looking in the mirror. I'm excited for the haircuts I'll play with as it grows out. The sensation on the back of my head when I pull off or put on a shirt is really quite odd. I'm still kinda prone to playing with my hair cause it feels weird to me. It's highly sensitive. Having my head rubbed is almost blissful and makes me really sleep. Another odd thing... I'm actually acting more feminine because of it. I think it's partly because I'm a little more nervous and shy in situations. But I'm still confident too.... it's odd. I think... in a way that my features look a little more feminine or something. Like my legs and face. I dunno. This is really helping me out though. I've cut down the time I check the mirror and the time I spend trying to get ready. It's a nice break. I feel more compelled to think about things too, like problem solving and such. I want to hone my skills and learn new ones. So far.... I like it. I like how this feels. It's a learning experience. I'm still working on putting up pictures. Try to hang in there in the mean time! Lol so yeah, most of my friend have been good about it. Apparently I don't look too bad. My mom likes it, well, at least a lot more than I expected. I'm glad. Some of the people I was the most worried about have been really positive about it. Again, I'm really glad. I lucked out, my head isn't that weird looking and my ears don't stick out. So I guess it could've been worse. I think the most important thing though, is the fact that I'm getting what I wanted out of this experience. And as time passes I hope to get even more out of it. I will say though... after I've grown through this process, I can't see myself ever cutting my hair this short again. It may be easy to take care of... but I really do enjoy having something to work with. There proving that this is good for me. Well, that's about it. I'll post again soon.